The Five Stages of Grief Driving in Los Angeles
-Dying is Easy: Driving is Hard
Perhaps you’ve never driven in Los Angeles. It’s probably the one thing that should be on the bucket list of all licensed drivers to prepare for that day we actually do all face the great beyond, the unknown country, that great HOV lane in the sky. The five stages of grief, famously delineated by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, are experienced on any drivable surface in L.A. County on any given day.
One – Denial
It’s really not that bad. This on-ramp is always busy. The traffic will break up and it will be freewheeling in fifth all the way to Downtown.
Two – Anger
Oh, for God’s sake! Why don’t BMWs come with turn signals? Why do we put up with this? I’m writing a strongly worded letter to City Council and the Governor. – Then comes the ritual yelling and cursing while wishing for a giant asteroid to hit Earth and wipe us all out already.
Three – Bargaining
If I go down Melrose to Vermont, pick up Figueroa, then go north to go south, I should be able to make it in time – if I have decent parking karma. Why is SIRI taking me to Chinatown?
Four – Depression
My life is being wasted sitting in traffic. It’s bad for the car, the environment, me, international political stability, and is cutting into my television time. Why do we have to drive to the doctor’s office anyway? I’d be happy to send in a urine sample, if the Post Office allows it. And aren’t we supposed to stay in when we’re sick?
Five – Acceptance
This is L.A. Being angry about gridlock is like being angry about tectonic plate drift. Eventually this highway will be underwater and the fish will be complaining.